Sunday, 30 July 2017

Almost 2 years ago, a very close friend did something that really hurt me. I was hurt so deeply because I trusted him so much. He was almost like my brother. And I had known him almost my entire life. I was so hurt and I felt like I could never forgive him. Now there had been times he had annoyed me over the years and I really should have said something to him. But I just always bottled it up and the major incident was like the final straw.

I had so many unresolved issues with him and when it happened the last time, I knew I had had enough. I truly can't remember ever being so mad at someone in my life and saying some of the really mean things I did. But I was hurt and upset and I told him I would never speak with him again. I basically cussed him out for hours and he remained so calm, and that infuriated me even more.

After the blowout, I blocked him from all my phones and social media because I was convinced I was never going to see or speak with him again. Now I may have been very angry and maybe overreacted a bit, but I was well justified, because what he did was totally wrong. I saw him once after the big blowout while I was out with friends he said a hello, and I sorta gave a cold hi cos hey, we were in public.

And then last night, I had a dream about my friend. And when I woke up I realised he was my really good friend and I had kind of missed him. So I decided to text him or ring him and then I realised I didn't have his numbers anymore and he'd been blocked anyways. So I struggled around Facebook, figured out how to unblock a friend and then sent him a message.

He responded immediately and we had a few lines of saying hello, how are you and then me teasing him about having the same profile picture for decades. He gave me his number and I called him up. We spoke for a bit, there was some laughter and then some seriousness and trying to figure out why what happened did and all......

I realised I had no trace of anger in me when I spoke with him. I was mad at him for a while almost 2 years ago. So why the heck had I carried on with some non-existent anger for so long?

I don't think our friendship will ever go back to the way it was, but the important thing is I feel a lot of relief knowing I'm not mad at him anymore and we are "cool". And if we ever bump into each other or speak again on the phone, there will be no awkwardness. He was a pretty solid friend till his mistake.

I have not written in a few months. But somehow after this conversation, I was suddenly inspired to write, thanks to the emotions of the reconciliation. It definitely did something good to me.

PS: I just discovered today is International Friendship Day. Right after my make up conversation with him. Seems like the universe was definitely speaking to me ~ to reconcile with my friend whom I call " Eagle".

 It is quite scary to imagine that the last conversation you could have with a friend or loved one might be an angry one.


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