Friday 29 April 2016

It's no secret that times are hard. In fact they have always been and always will be - at least for some.
So a well paying source of livelihood is absolutely necessary. While some may go the route of working very hard and still not having enough, some may choose an alternate route to financial success and power. This alternate route if well planned, executed and maintained, will lead to endless luxury and possibly enough money to ensure that their generations may never need to work a day in their lives.

Being a fake pastor is def one of the many routes to financial success and power. Of course you need a guideline on how to do this. Some have tried at this and failed because they lacked a mentor to teach them the way to go about it.

Are you one of those people? Worry no more, i have a solution. After carefully studying, observation and research of these successful fake pastors, i have decided to publish a manual to help all aspiring fake pastors. Unlike the established fake pastors, i do not require payment for this "secret". It's free and will continue to be free for a long time.

I'll make it short and easy as i know fake pastors are not very book smart, they lack the patience to read and disguise their acts and are in a hurry.

Let"s get you to be a fake pastor right away.

1. Invest in a good suit - not "coat", a really good suit. Borrow if you can. You must be single or pretend to be. A nice female audience will come calling.

2. Hire a good hypeman who will be part of your act. He must be someone whom you "saved" and of course a good actor. He will also act as your assistant, bodyguard, recruiter marketer.

3. Reach out to the "massees". Those who are struggling seriously. You are probably poorer than them but of course, with your suit they will never even think of it. They'll want to be like you. This class are the best donors in the forms of offerings and tithes.

4. Scare tactics are essential. Just remind them of those witches who migrated from the village in the form of mosquitoes to bite them. Fear is a good tool for mind control.

5. Get your hypeman to arrange for a few miracles. Good thing is people will do anything for money, so invest in a few arrangee miracles - a few healings or maybe a job. Fruit of the womb is also very popular. These people must be as vague as possible when they give their testimonies.

6. Spread the word. All the arrangee people with the testimonies have to do is tell their fellow market women in the market, or people at the park or maybe even a crowded bus. That's the best way to get your name and miracles out there.

7. While you do all this, you have to give something back to the congregation. It can be N200 recharge cards, money, food, cheap phones, etc but you have to give something. Control is very easy when money is placed on the table.

8. Come up with a catch phrase. It doesn't matter how ridiculous it sounds, get your congregation to scream it every few minutes- it will catch on.

9. You must be a good story teller. You can learn the skills from those Aunties on tales by moonlight. Share interesting stories of miracles you have performed in Kafanchan, Panya or even Jupiter. It doesn't really matter where, when, how and who. They will believe it.

10. Once your congregation starts growing as it obviously will if you follow these steps, your recruiters must hook you up with a politician, millionaire or a celebrity desperate for a miracle.

Bonus tip: Every business has to expand for it to grow. Get your church online and get your recruiters to swarm social media Also expand your services into selling of merchandise before consultation with members - Holy Salt, Annointed Soaps, Spiritual brooms etc. Be creative with the merchandise and the titles.

If you can do this you are on your way to success! Of course there is a chance you might face that mythical lake of fire, but hey who cares about the after life.
Enjoy your life on earth :)

Ignore the typos - @ZibbyJ


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Hiya, im Zibby and this is a brief intro about me :)

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