Sunday 12 November 2017

I've been having a very difficult few weeks, thanks to life and it's pressures.
And just when I bought I was back at the top, I've just had to deal with losing my dog Trago. The best dog in the entire world, my baby doggie.

A few weeks ago Trago stopped eating and appeared very weak, I immediately had to call the vet doctor to come to the house he next day when I would be home. With 7 dogs and 3 puppies, it's a riot taking them to the vet so the doctors always have to come to the house. I remember my brother and I years go Driving Trago and our 2 other dogs at the time - Thatcher & Boogie to the vet. It was always so funny cos they would keep jumping around from the back seat to the front and Trago's drooling would increase 10 fold.

The next day Trago seemed well and was back to his happy self, eating everything given to him and I was sure he was fine. He was back to jumping on me and considering how big he was, almost always succeeding in knocking me down. That's my Trago. Loyal to the bone. Always beside you. I remember running away from a lizard (yes I'm terrified of them) and Trago heard my shrieks from a different part of my house and came running to the rescue. He chased off that scary predator and turned around chasing my assistant who was behind me as well, and standing right in front of me like my defender.

My assistant was terrified and told me she had never seen such loyalty in an animal. And I told her, that's my baby Trago. He heard me scream and had to defend me against the "danger" - the lizard and her too. Trago went from being such a little puppy with the cutest biggest head in the world to a giant animal. I mean I would carry him in my arms and cuddle him and then it seemed like one day he just grew up. But he would still come for his cuddle even as a big boy. He would still jump like a puppy, and I would always try to restrain him so he wouldn't hurt his joints Cos of how big he was.

Every morning once I stepped out, Trago would be there to walk me to the gate. And once I come in the house, Trago would drop whatever it was he was doing and come over to me. He would wag his tail nonstop and sit beside me where ever I was. When I was clearing out a part of my BQ at home to get my home office, Trago was my companion. He would sit with me while renovation and everything was being done. And with him there, I never had to worry about stupid lizards or anything.

Infact, sometimes I would be with clients in my office and Trago would saunter in. Of course the sight of Trago would fill them with fear and hey would scream and panick, but I would explain that Trago would never hurt anyone in my office. He knew they were not threatening and he would just sit there and watch us. Trago was my baby. I would feed Trago from my hands and I would never worry that he would ever bite me mistakingly while in a haste, like some other dogs would.

I still love my other dogs, but everyone in my family had a very special bond with Trago, because he loved us as much as we loved him.  Trago always got the best of everything. My baby gogo.
A loyal, loving dog. Once people set their eyes on Trago, the next reaction would be fear, screaming and a quick exit. But my baby gogo was a sweetheart. Fiercely protective of us.

A few days ago I got home and realised Trago was ill. I immediately got him some water and I was told he hadn't eaten. In my heart, I began to fear that Trago was ready to go. I couldn't sleep for nights because I could hear trago whimpering and I knew he was in pain. Trago was over 10 years old.
Sunday morning, we decided we had to put him down as he was suffering. Years ago, I had watched alone of my dogs Nipy, being put down as he had cancer, according to the vet. It was heartbreaking but I knew it was for his own good, as the doctor said it could come back.

While waiting for he Vet Doctor to come, I went to Trago and sat with him. Stroked him just calling his name.  He couldn't wag his tail, but his eyes followed me all around. I went to my room and got my pillow and had to ask the gateman to help me move him on it, so he could get more comfortable. I actually started hoping and praying he would pass peacefully before the doctor could come. I felt I was helping him by putting him down to save him the pain, but I also wondered if I could cope with knowing I had given permission to end his life. Would he understand? Would he feel betrayed?

I went into my room and I knew it was going to happen soon, at least I hoped it would. And hen one of our workers came to inform me that Trago had passed. It was very emotional for me but after a few minutes, I was able to pull myself together and go out to see him. My baby doggie looked so peaceful. And then I realised my employee was wiping his eyes. He had just worked with us for about 3 months and he was responsible for cooking for and taking care of the dogs. I knew the impact Trago's passing had on him. In that short time, he had come to love Trago like we all did.

I say with Trago for a while, and then I realised that my other dogs had been unnaturally quiet all day. Now they just stayed in the kennel, no noise nothing. It was like they weren't even there. I knew that they understood they had just lost the leader of the pack. I sat for a while with Trago, trying so hard to make sure I wasn't seen crying and then after a while,  it took too much effort and I couldn't hold it in anymore.

I got to my room and my dad was ringing me. After some general conversation, I realised I had to tell him about Trago. My dad introduced us to dogs from a very young age. Our very first dog, Peggy was my dad's baby. Infact when Peggy wouldn't eat when he was a little baby puppy, my dad would gold Peggy in his arms and spoon feed him.
When I quietly told my dad about Trago passing, my dad wa understandably sad. We spoke about it and i could sense his feelings. I felt so guilty for ruining my dad's day by telling him about this.

I had to ring my older sister and my niece to inform them. My niece loves our dogs and she especially loved our late monkey Sheila too. When Sheila died, we couldn't tell her that she had died. So we told her that a departing employee had done with Sheila. (don't judge us) my niece saw me on FaceTime and asked why I looked sad, I just told her I was tired. I was able to tell her mum in codes about Trago. My sister of course got emotional and that made me emotional, all over. After we spoke I got off the phone and decided to write to deal with the emotions. -and then I got a message from my younger sister as well, who was very emotional about Trago'S passing. (Big sis had told her)

Also spoke to my mum on the phone and my brother. Everyone is emotional. Trago was more than a pet or an animal. He was part of our family and we loved him, just like he loved us.

When I had a moment with him before he passed, I took off his collar - the one he wore proudly around his neck all the time. It will remain with us forever. My baby gogo! I always sang Mariah's Always Be My Baby to Trago all the time. Because no matter how many years went by, how big he became, Trago was always my baby. I still saw him as the little puppy with a massive head who ate too much. -and followed me all around.

I'm glad Trago knew we loved him. And he knew, that we also knew he loved us.
I love you Trago. See you at the rainbow bridge, my baby gogo - my "ga ga gu"

Thank you 💔💔


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